Friday, August 18, 2006
Chicago Bears Blame Pathetic Preseason Camp On Six Flags Great America
The Chicago Bears broke from one of the most lackluster preseason camps in recent memory this week, and head coach Lovie Smith knew exactly where to lay the blame. “It’s all because of Six Flags Great America,” Smith told the media Thursday. “That’s the main reason things went so sour.”
The Bears’ main concern was the downright spastic play of starting quarterback Rex Grossman, which Smith attributes to fatigue. According to sources close to the team, Grossman has been surviving on less than two hours of sleep a night, spending most of his free time scouring coaster forums in search of rumors about a possible floorless coaster for the Gurnee park in 2007.
“Leave me alone,” said a taciturn Grossman leaving the Bears camp in Bourbonnais, Illinois. “I’ve got to go watch some game film…or something…” Grossman then proceeded to fumble the keys to his car twice and break his right wrist while attempting to swat a fly.
“Sure, we’ve been decimated by injuries so far this year, most, if not all, caused in some way by Six Flags,” Smith said. “But I’m not worried. Wait and see what happens to the Broncos when Elitch Gardens gets bulldozed for a shopping complex.”
ARN&R has compiled a partial list of the Bears’ injury woes, and their amusement park connections:
• Defensive tackle Dusty Dvoracek: right foot stress fracture from standing in place for six hours straight waiting for Déjà Vu to open on August 10th;
• Safety Mike Brown: torn Achilles tendon caused by attempting to hover over a urine and feces splattered toilet seat without touching in the park’s Hometown Square section;
• Cornerback Nathan Vasher: strained back muscles from eight continuous August 5th re-rides on the park’s rapidly deteriorating American Eagle;
• Assistant linebacker coach Jesse Bormet: outbreak of diphtheria from the park’s Loggers’ Run flume ride, July 29th; and
• Running back Cedric Benson: Dislocated shoulder caused by reaching for wallet to pay for a nine dollar hamburger.
In other Chicago sports news, rumors are running rampant that the Chicago White Sox’s two consecutive losses to the little league-caliber Kansas City Royals were the result of players' distraction at an upcoming trip to Kentucky Kingdom.
“I don’ know where you getting this idea,” said Sox manager Ozzie Guillen. “Greezed Lightnin’ been berry, berry good to me.”
--CMV
Posted at 8:29 AM | Link
http://www.absolutelyreliable.com/
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More SFGAM/Da Bears humor
16 posts
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LOL.
2006 Visits: 5
American Eagle: 3 - Batman: 3 - Demon: 6 - Iron Wolf: 2 - Raging Bull: 12 - Superman: 4 - Viper: 5 - Deja Vu: 2 - Vertical Velocity: 4 - Giant Drop: 10 - Whizzer: 3 - Total: 44 Last Visit: Aug. 14th Next Visit: Late August
Whats the point of this again?
Last edited by FRD714 on August 20th, 2006, 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Frank
good thing their aren't any major theme parks by green bay, now the packers can own everyone. hah.
emo is a music genre, not a state of mind
The point of it is it's funny, not serious
 Favorite Wood Coasters: The Voyage, Ravine Flyer II, Thunderhead, Balder
Favorite Steel: Voltron Nevera, Steel Vengeance, Expedition GeForce, Olympia Looping Parks visited: 232, Coasters Ridden: Steel: 894, Wood: 179, Total: 1073
^ Ditto.
This is getting really old... "And that farm girl walked off with slippers off a dead woman? She must have been raised in a barn!" ~Wicked, an excellent musical
um...
Very funny. Any of these Bears guys even go to GA I never seen anybody? except for Brian I know somebody mentioned he visited the park one time.
Umm...that wasnt even that funny...
...it barely made sense...
The whole thing about Grossman breaking his wrist while swatting a fly did kinda. THe article was funny but kinda stupid at the same time.
The other one was funny, but this was just dumb
Coaster Count: 128
#1 Coaster: El Toro
heh
http://themeparkcritic.com/scripts/profile/ViewProfile.asp?ViewID=2909
A furious storm once roared `cross the sea, catching ships in its path, helpless to flee. Instead of a certain and watery doom, the winds swept them here to Typhoon Lagoon! *****Are you ready to Rockit?!*****
Pretty funny, and you can tell a Bears fan was behind it. At least someone who knows Bears football. I wouldn't be shocked if Rex Grossman hurt himself like that.
The odd thing is the joke about the coach getting a disease from the Loggers Run pops up, and then the same weekend, HH has problems with cryptosporidium. Maybe someone should check those Hometown Square bathrooms.
Cryptosporidium? Well, it's usually transmitted in-... Oh, wait. You meant the article? http://www.absolutelyreliable.com/ Just like it says in the first post. Welcome to the board.
16 posts
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